Thursday, January 28, 2010

How to judge Brian Burke: A Sens fan checklist.

#1: DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO.

When Brian Burke won a Stanley Cup in Anaheim, you told anybody who would listen that it was in fact your own GM Brian Murray who built the champion team when he boss in Anaheim two full years earlier. Now that Brian Burke has been GM of the Leafs for a calendar year, you tell anybody who will listen that the current woes are all Burke's fault and has NOTHING to do with previous GM's. If anybody tries to reason with you, stick fingers in ears and yell incoherently.

#2: USE THE MAYAN CALENDAR, OR JUST MAKE A NEW ONE UP!

Brian Burke comes in with a rebuilding plan that he says from day one won't happen overnight. You ignore this, and part way through his first full season in command you spend every waking moment criticizing the team on the ice for not matching what he has promised. When Leaf fans point this out, you change the subject multiple times per thread until your argument is so convoluted and ridiculous that people stop bothering all together.

#3: CAMP OUT ON ONE SIDE OF THE DRAFT PICK ARGUMENT AND HANG ON FOR DEAR LIFE.

The Leafs do not have their top draft picks for the next two years, so you now blow the importance of these picks into borderline magical proportions. Unknown players years from being drafted are now demigods, while real 22 year-old star players are worthless. Stick with this at all costs ignoring facts, like the Tampa Bay Lightning who have had the #1 and #2 overall picks the last two years to add to their former #1 pick Lecalvier - resulting in 5 more wins than the Leafs.

#4: BRING UP THE KOMISAREK/LUCIC FIGHT TO DISPEL PUGNACITY.

Despite the fact that Chris Neil has had his face punched-in regularly over the years, call him a tough guy and praise his contributions. When talking about Mike Komisarek discount all the great things he does like hit and fight and block shots because last season he lost a fight against one of the toughest guys in the NHL. And don't worry, that argument only looks ridiculous to everybody in the world who lives outside the Ottawa valley. You're good.

Good luck!

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