This is what happened to you:
This is how to fix it:
And this is what will happen to Leaf Nation if you don't:
Some of the lads over at Pension Plan Puppets have a few of their own suggestions...
How to commit suicide quickly and without a lot of fanfare
1. Cut femoral artery in a hot tub
2. Jump off of a bridge into ottawa traffic
3. The Wellwood - Try to eat as much as Kyle Wellwood
I'm partial to number 1 and 2 as there aren't enough groceries at my local supermarket that would even allow me to attempt option 3.